The Best Eyebrows In The Business

I might be developing an unhealthy predilection here trend-setters – and no, this has nothing to do with the volume of beer that passed my lips over the last 168 hours. Nor do I speak of my masturbatory habits, which, as far as unhealthy predilections go, are way past the developmental stage – no, I am talking about my increasing tendency to engage in political rantage.

Unhealthy, you ask? How is that unhealthy? Valid questions, and don’t get me wrong, I am all for healthy political discourse. In fact, I think the lack thereof is one of the most deeply fucked-up things about this country… about this planet for that matter.

This is doubly disturbing to me, considering I am clearly part of the problem… a tiny little cog – and we’re talking fucking minute here – in the great big machine. Now that I think about it, actually, I pretty much epitomise the problem – I am no better than Tony Abbott… ok, ok that’s patently ridiculous, I am infinitely better than Tony Abbott. However, I pretty much treat those in the other side of the ring the same way Tozza does, by repeatedly bashing them and hoping they’ll just go away.

I am, after all, no great political analyst… let’s face it, I’m no small political analyst either. I basically just take anything political on the current media landscape, pull out everything about it that does not fall in line with my personal doctrine and abuse the crap out of anyone I deem as either responsible, or part of the problem. The only reason I manage to get away with this – ok, apart from the fact that nobody fucking reads my blog, or if they do, they’re probably my friend, and thus unlikely to differ very greatly in opinion on such matters… if they did, no doubt, they’d soon end up the subject of one of my spurious tirades, and very quickly cease to either read the blog, or consider themselves a friend – so the only other reason I get away with it, is that my political view of the world (i.e. left-wing, reasonably temperate, dismissive of unfairness, bigotry, etc, etc – as my father-in-law would describe me, I’m a Liberal Wienie) is clearly the only correct way to look at the world. Even right-wing, filthy rich, bigoted fucking cunts know this, they’re just too god-damned self-serving to want to change things.

Right, so having slapped on that a long winded caveat – don’t come running to me all spouting your what an ill-informed, cycnical twat business, not unless you want me to go all Tim the Enchanter on your arse: I warned you. I warned you. But would you listen to me? Oh no, you knew it all didn’t you… and such… 

What the fuck is up with Arsetralia’s complete inability to use its fucking head, and start embracing renewable energy?

Oh here he goes again you say, doom, gloom, the world is ending, 2012 approaches, the Mayans were right, nobody cares anymore… but what about The Carbon Tax? Yay!

Look, yes, but don’t let it fool you trend-setters, a win for Greenie Liberal Weenies, doesn’t mean there isn’t still more political fucking cuntery going on, and on a grand scale too.

Who the hell does Martin Ferguson think he’s kidding? Hang on, who is Martin Ferguson? The member the Electorate of Where? Of Batman? He’s the fucking fossil fuel industry’s very own Caped Crusader, masked in a coal-black cowl, and blowing not wind up our arses, but a lungful of natural gas. What is this Energy White Paper nonsense? It’s exactly that, nonsense, of the most dastardly kind. It’s got all the value, the long term value, value as it pertains to every person in this country, of the roll of three-ply toilet paper it should be printed on, so we can all wipe our arses with it.

A consultation group discussing Arsetralia’s energy future, consisting of companies including Caltex, Origin, Rio Tinto and BHP Billiton, having members with uranium experience, fossil fuels and plastics, and the electricity industry? Where are the representatives of alternative energy companies, the solar and wind? And where are the members with environmental and renewable energy experience?

I thought Tony Abbot was a fucking cunt, but Ferguson is a fucking cunt who’s fucking fucking cunts, spreading his cheeks for a coffer full of dollaroos. His priority, he says, is “listening to the community, and acting in the interests of our local area”. What he means by this, is he loves a good spit roast, with him at one end, a long line of mining industry fat cats taking turns at the other, and the rest of us stuck in the middle. Yes, he’s listening to us, but all he’s getting back is the sweet sound of us gagging as he gleefully fucks the country… 

Hey it’s genius – otherwise known as fucking cuntery – right? He gets his rocks off, and at the same time can stand up and say, in all honesty, “I asked them what they thought, but nobody raised any objections”. You try objecting Fergy, with a mouthful of cock. And it’s not just us he’s doing it to here people, this is our kids and grandkids he’s feeding his fat one to. Diddling kiddies is Not. Fucking. Ok.

Jesus H. Christ people, even the God-Damned U.S.A. (yes, there is a reason they all keep begging the big fella to bless the place, ‘cause they know that as it stands, he’s pretty much waiting for the fires of Hell to rise up and burn it all to ashes), even the great great granddaddy of greed and pollution, the Commander in Chief of the We-Don’t-Give-A-Shit-You-Fucking-Hippies Army can manage to adopt the SunShot initiative, can seemingly manage to get through its historically thick head, that the economic and energetic future looks pretty grim if everything you’re basing it on is rapidly running the fuck out.

Surely if old Uncle S. can work it out, or begin to, so can we. I might be wrong, but didn’t Tim Flannery recently approach, or attempt to approach the federal government with a blueprint for getting the entire nation up and running on wind and solar by the year 20-somethingorother?

Ha ha Tim you twat. Fuck your renewable energy, fuck your future, we’re enlightened here, we’re living in the moment, and right now we’re having way too much with fun this mouthful of big fat uranium dick, with the coal lump tea-bagging we’re getting.

Apparently the only people in this country worth listening to are scumbag radio bigots, or the fucking cunts bleeding our natural resources to line their own pockets. Mr. Bob “I’ve got the best eyebrows in the business” Hawke is sitting there in his dotage, thinking “I fucking told you dickheads back in 1990 that we needed to become The Clever Country”. Sorry Bob, you’re not a rich cunt, what the fuck would you know?



In other news, I’d like to make an apology for the gratuitous images of grievous bodily harm posted in last week’s rant. I blame it entirely on the prevalence of violent computer games. Everything was going along just fine, all cute and cuddly until computer games reared their bloody heads, and all of sudden along came this hitherto unbeknownst urge toward violent behaviour…


~ by Gethin A. Lynes on November 30th, 2011.

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